Epiphany
by StillAintBovvered
Summary: Hikaru has an epiphany after losing Kaoru in a tragic car accident and being miserable for over a week. Warning: shipping Hika/Kao, character death, a few f-bombs dropped. A mindless One-Shot. R


**Author's note: **

**I don't even know. I think I was on drugs when I wrote this. I kinda think it's poorly written. **

**R&R**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran. Katio Massimo is an OC... don't worry, you don't see much of him. And Himari Sakura is just a lame name I made up for the reporter. Ignore her. She's not important. **

* * *

Epiphany

Hikaru aimlessly wander down Ouran's hallway. He left his homeroom after his sensei had mistakenly called him _**his **_name. He gritted his teeth at the memory and pushed the name way. His packed quickened causing his breathing to become shallow. The voices in his head began screaming obscenities at him. They started a little over a week ago. Hikaru stopped and leaned against a door. He shut his eyes and rubbed between the corners to relieve his raging headache. His previously red face faded back to its original color. He took deep breaths to calm his heart beats. Someone cleared their throat in front of them.

"Go away," Hikaru growled, offended. Everyone should know by now not to bother him. He didn't even bother to look up at the idiot.

"Well, Hikaru, if you don't mind, I'd like to enter the clubroom." The cool voice of Kyoya Otori rang through is ears. Hikaru looked up and found that he was indeed outside Music Room 3.

"Sorry, Senpai," he muttered, holding the door open. He internally slapped himself for being such an ass.

"Come sit with me, Hikaru. There's something you need to see."

Hikaru followed Kyoya to his usual hosting seat and sat down next to him on the plush couch. Kyoya opened his laptop and quickly entered his password. A news page article was pulled out with a devastating title in bold letters: **Hitachiin Heir Tragically Struck by Car. **Hikaru internally flinched. Kyoya scrolled down a bit before clicking on the video.

"_I'm Himari Sakura here with Tokyo International covering the tragic death of Hitachiin Kaoru, one of the two heirs to the Hitachiin Fashion Industry. According to evidence gather by local police, the Hitachiin twins were roaming downtown Tokyo with 14 year old Massimo Katio. An affectionate shoved turned deadly when Hitachiin Hikaru lost his balance and stumbled into traffic. Onlookers say that Hitachiin was paralyzed with fear causing the younger twin, Hitachiin Kaoru, to push his brother out of the way. The paramedics state that the younger died in his brother's arms due to a weak, previously broken rib shattering from the impact and pierced the younger's lungs. We interviewed the famous designer, Hitachiin Yuzuha, on the loss of her youngest son."_

"_My sweet boy," she cried to the camera. "Kaoru was equally as mischievous as his brother; equally as lovable; equally handsome. But they were two separate persons. Kaoru excelled in literature and expression while Hikaru excelled in Mathematics and facts. Kaoru would offer you words of love when you were down while Hikaru would speak with his actions. But some of you can't see that. Loosing Kaoru is completely different from losing Hikaru. Some people are so simple-minded and think "oh, well, you have one more." Most people can't understand how they are two different people… including Massimo Katio."_

The other members of the Host Club, who had trickled in one by one, gasped.

"_My sons have never once mention Massimo Katio. Hikaru claims that Katio pushed him to the street out of pure rage. He may not have been attempting murder, but one of my sons lost his life. I have been gathering evidence myself. Phone records show that there was no contact between my sons and Katio. School surveillance films show that there was no contact between them at all during school or host club hours. If my boys weren't at a host club event, then they were either with the members, or at home. The text that I received from my sons stated that they were walking through downtown Tokyo to meet Fujioka Haruhi, no Massimo Katio. If Hikaru says Kaoru was unintentionally murdered, than I believe him and will not stand for it!"_

_Yuzuha had stopped crying by the end of her speech and was emitting pure rage. The video switched back to the reporter with a shocked expression._

"_Murder, she says! Her evidence is very convincing. The Otori's personal police force is looking well into it. The Massimo family is currently unreachable at the time. Friendly mistake or murder? Leave your comments below. I'm Himari Sakura, thanks for watching._

Hikaru stared blankly at the laptop. His mother—believed him. There might possible be justice for Kaoru.

"I hate to interrupt," Kyoya snapped Hikaru out of his daze, "but we're opening." Hikaru slowly stood up and made his way over to his table where he began pouring tea.

"He's a robot, Kyoya." He heard Tamaki attempt to whisper.

"Hello, Hikaru-kun," four girls had approached him. His folder noted that they only requested him for an hour so he may go home early.

"Hello, princesses," he gave them a sad smile. "Have a seat, my ladies," he began passing out their tea cups. Two took a seat on the couch across from him while the other two took a seat in a chair on either side of the table. One girl with long, mahogany hair was fidgeting, as if she wanted to say something. Hikaru racked his brain for a name. Let's see, Freshman, class 1-B, Steel industry. _Naomi._ "Is something the matter, Naomi-chan," he smiled at her.

"We saw the video of your mother's interview," she blurted out, quite loudly. "Did Katio really murder Kaoru-kun?"

"Don't be so blunt!" another snapped at her. "Hikaru-kun must be very upset." Naomi began to blush and apologize. "I'm so sorry! You must be very upset about your brother! We can talk about something else if you like!"

Hikaru frowned. "No," he answered. "I'm not sad. We can talk about this… if you want, of course."

The three girls looked at him in bewilderment.

"You're… not sad?"

Hikaru thought about it for a moment. "I don't feel sad," Hikaru finally answered.

"Well, how do you feel, Hikaru-Kun?"

Hikaru thought about it, again. _How do I feel? …Like I want to punch Katio in the face!_

"Angry," Hikaru answered slowly. "Katio killed my baby brother." Hikaru's voice cracked causing everyone to snap their attention towards him.

"I'll tell you what really happened."

* * *

**FLASHBACK!**

As bell dinged as the Hitachiin twins opened the door and exited the tiny commoner café.

"You know, Hika, I feel like we're hosting even outside of the host club."

Hikaru laughed at his brother's obvious statement before throwing his arm over Kaoru's shoulder.

"You know, Kaoru," Hikaru smiled dumbly at his ridiculously cute brother, "I think you're right." Kaoru smiled right back at him.

"It's a shame we left Haruhi in there all by herself…"

"What are you implying, Kao….?"

"Maybe we should walk her home…"

"I think that's a horrible idea." Hikaru did enjoy toying with Haruhi, but he did not like the flirty comments coming from their classmates.

"Oh, c'mon Hika," Kaoru used the little nickname he had given his brother to his full advantage.

"But Kaoru, I—"

"Hikaru-kun! Kaoru-kun!" Both spun around to find a girl from their school running towards them. She pulled out a pink notebook while trying to catch her breath.

"Will you… two… sign this… pretty… please?" The young girl looked up at the two with hopeful eyes. The two brothers made eye contact.

'_Aww, look at her, Hika,' _Kaoru's eyes seemed to scream. He always had a weak spot for cute little girls.

Hikaru rolled his eyes at his brother, signaling '_Fine… but I won't like it.' _

Kaoru took the notebook out of her hand.

"Why, of course, Princess!" Kaoru answered signing the book. Hikaru pulled the girl's face close to his in a Tamaki-like manner.

"Anything for you, Prin—"

"HEY HITACHIIN!" A voice boomed nearby.

First-year Massimo Katio came storming through the crowd. His light brown eyes emanated anger and jealousy. He ran a hand through his dark hair letting out a huff of frustration.

"Which one?" the brothers asked, simultaneously.

"That one," he pointed a finger at Hikaru, "who's flirting with _**my **_girlfriend!"

"Girlfriend," Hikaru repeated. He quickly released her chin and took two steps back.

"We were hosting. She asked for an autograph. We didn't mean to offend you," Kaoru crossed his arms, obviously bored with the conversation.

"Don't play dumb with me!" A crowd began to form around the screaming boy. "The Host Club is always flirting with girls who are taken!"

Hikaru gave him a look of disbelief, which soon turned to rage.

"Oh yeah?" Hikaru sneered. "Maybe if you were able to entertain her long enough she wouldn't have to come running to us in the first place."

"Hikaru!" Kaoru scolded him. "Look. We could care less whether you are dating or not. The Host Club has nothing to do with it."

Katio let out a menacing laugh.

"Like I'll believe that," Katio scoffed. "The Host Club is the reason nearly every guy at Ouran is single!"

"Not true at all," Kaoru stepped in. "The goal of the Host Club is to make women happy. If our princesses are unhappy without, for instance, another male, then we shall do everything in our power to change that.

"Yeah right," Katio sneered. "You obviously enjoy being fawned over for no good reason."

"Well, who doesn't," Kaoru retorted.

"Kami… no wonder my sister hated you in middle school. You guys are arrogant jerks! Tearing up her letter and insulting her to her face, you guys are sick. Especially you, Hitachiin," Katio pointed a finger at Hikaru. "It was always your idea."

"We're not like that anymore," Hikaru became defensive. "And I'm not interested in your girlfriend or anything else you have to say!" Hikaru grabbed his brother's arm rather roughly and began to drag him away.

Katio let out a dark laugh.

"Of course you're not interested."

Hikaru's right eyes twitched and his hand closed into a tight fist.

"What's that supposed to mean," Hikaru gritted his teeth.

"Obviously you're too busy fucking your brothers to be interested in anyone else," a smirk grew on Katio's face.

A gasp echoed through the crowd. People began murmuring and pulling out cellphones. This rumor was going to spread fast.

Hikaru and Kaoru both kept their poker face on. Kaoru crossed his arms and huffed as Hikaru rolled his eyes as if they were annoyed by a stupid accusation.

"That's right, Hitachiin! Now everyone knows you're screwing your brother!" Katio wore a triumphant grin on his face, as if he just revealed a cure of cancer.

"Puh-lease," Kaoru began. "We're not screwing each other." The twins said together.

"It's an _act-_," Kaoru pointed out.

"-because we're _actors_," Hikaru finished.

"And if our princesses want a taboo act-,"

"-then that's exactly what we'll give them! How could you possibly believe that it was real?" Hikaru asked.

"The Princesses obviously knew it was a fake act. Why didn't you?" Kaoru cocked his head to the right. The crowd began to murmur in agreement.

Katio stood in the middle of the crowd speechless. He had let the Hitachiin twins outsmart him again! He had to act fast, but his mind went blank.

Hikaru smirked when he realized Katio had no answer. He took the pink book from his brother and signed his full name.

"Here you go, Princess," the girl blushed slightly as he returned her notebook. "Geez, Kao, let's go. I'm kind of irritated because of all this."

"I'm sorry, Hikaru-kun," the girl blurted out. "I don't know what got into Katio," Hikaru noticed a bit of malice in her voice.

"Don't worry about it," Kaoru butted in. "It's not your fault."

"Have a nice day," Hikaru threw in his goodbye as the two began to walk home towards their mansion. The crowd, satisfied with the Hitachiin's victory, began to leave the dumbfounded Katio with his irate girlfriend. A loud clap resounded through the streets. The twins turned around to see Katio clutching his face. They could see the dark, red spirals began to bloom where the girl had struck him with her notebook.

"Why can't you be more considerate like Hikaru-kun and Kaoru-kun!" she screamed at him before she stalked off past them.

Kaoru was the first to react. He jogged close to Katio who had been knocked towards the edge of the sidewalk. Hikaru followed a few steps behind but was very hesitant.

'_Karou's always been better at comforting people.' _

"Katio-kun?" Kaoru asked softly. Katio was looking down, clenching and unclenching his left hand while rubbing his injured chick in little circles.

"Are you ok," Kaoru tried again. Hikaru looked away. Sure he was angry at Katio-kun, but surprisingly he felt bad. He didn't know it was Katio-kun's sister they had tormented.

'_Maybe I deserve whatever beating he had planned for me.' _Hikaru took a deep breath.

Hikaru had to admit that he was pretty nasty back in middle school. But that was all a misunderstanding. Than was due to neglect from their parents! That was due to them being so identical! That was due to no one—not even their own parents—being able to tell them apart!

'_Stop making excuses!' _Hikaru's conscious screamed at him.

While Hikaru was having a battle with his conscious, Kaoru was trying to get a response out of Katio.

"Katio, please answer me," Kaoru asked again in his "sweet" uke voice.

Katio closed his eyes tightly before looking up at Kaoru with hatred burning in his eyes. Kaoru's eyes widened as he took a few steps back.

"Ahhhhhhhhh!" Katio screamed as he charged straight at Kaoru. Kaoru quickly jumped out of his path, causing Katio to crash straight into a dazed Hikaru.

Hikaru fell back and skidded across the asphalt road. He immediately stood up to fight whoever had pushed him, but was greeted by the sound of a car horn and the smell of burning rubber. Hikaru turned his head to the right and was caught like a deer in headlights.

"HIKARU!" Hikaru turned his head towards his brother long enough to see him shove Hikaru towards the island splitting the two lanes.

Kaoru had successfully pushed Hikaru out of danger's way, but his relief was soon replaced with pain. He didn't have enough time to save himself.

Hikaru watched horrified as the car struck Kaoru's left side causing his to roll onto the hood. Although the car was making an effort to stop, it was still going fast enough to allow Kaoru to smash through the windshield. Kaoru's body had knocked the driver unconscious causing the car to keep moving. It had finally stopped when it hit a parked bus.

"K-Kaoru!" Hikaru recovered from his shock when he heard the strangled cry of his brother. He pushed through the crowd that had formed around the scene. Hikaru tore open the car door, not caring about the first aid instruction they had learned in health the previous week, and gently pulled Kaoru's body out of the wreckage.

His brother's face was unusually pale and turning bluer by the second. Hikaru checked for a pulse or any signed of life he could possibly find.

Nothing.

His eyes widened in panic as he listened to his brother's struggle for air. He was slightly relieved that his brother was still breathing. But the lack of a strong pulse and gasping for air only meant one thing he could possible think of: Kaoru was choking. Hikaru's first instinct was CPR. Of course, as expected, his first aid training kicked in. He couldn't find anything visible down his brother's throat, there was no major signs of bleeding on the outside, just the few minor scraps where small pieces of glass decorated his brother's skin. He quickly blew two rescue breaths into his brother's lungs and began chest compressions.

Unfortunately, Hikaru was rewarded with spurts of blood spewing from his brother's mouth with each pump. He could faintly feel something moving under his brother's close. Hikaru prodded at a strange lump in his brother's chest. It was hard: like bones. Realization struck Hikaru.

* * *

**FLASHBACK IN A FLASHBACK!**

"_Nana," Hikaru's tears were staining his hockey gear. "Kao will be ok, right?" The eight year old looked sullenly at his twin lying in a hospital bed with bandages around his check. The younger twin winced with every breath that he took. _

"_Yes, Hikaru, darling," his personal nanny blotted her own tears from her eyes. "Kaoru just has an owie right now. The doctor says it'll be all fixed in about 10 weeks. But you and Kaoru must be careful now. We can't play too rough anymore or we might accidently hurt Kaoru again."_

"_And we don't want that!" Hikaru's eyes widened. "Kao's rib will be better soon, right?" _

"_It was a pretty bad break, Hikaru," his nanny informed him. "It'll always be weaker than his other bones. But it will heal in time. We have to be patient and wait for Kaoru to get better." _

"_So, no more hockey for Kaoru?" _

"_No more hockey for both of you," the nanny assured him. "That boy was a brute. Too big to be on a child's hockey team…" _

_Hikaru looked across the hall at the oversized 9 year old. He was still crying from the horrible blow Hikaru delivered to his nose after the boy had checked* young and petite Kaoru into the walls of the ice rink. _

"_No more hockey," Hikaru confirmed._

_(*Checked is like tackling... but in hockey.) _

**FLASH BACK IN A FLASHBACK ENDED!**

* * *

**STILL A FLASHBACK**

"No! no no no no no no no," Hikaru began bawling. He pulled his brother's lifeless body close to his chest. He began plucking pieces of glass form his brother's perfect skin.

"Please don't go, Kao… Please don't," Hikaru smoothed back his brother's hair and planted a light kiss on his brother's forehead.

"Please, Kaoru," he muttered as the crowd split to make way for the paramedics.

**END FLASHBACK!**

* * *

Tear were freely flowing down Hikaru's redden cheeks. The entire Host club and their guest had gathered to hear Hikaru's tale. This was the first time he had ever spoken about the accident.

Nine days.

It took Hikaru nine days to crack.

'_You're weak,' _his conscious told him.

"Excused me, ladies," Hikaru politely excused himself and stood up slowly. "I'll be back," he promised. "I just need a moment." He made his way to the backroom and locked the door behind him. He could hear faint murmuring from the other room. He glanced at the clock on the wall; 4:39pm.

'_Three more minutes,' _he thought. This is the one thing he would not tell anyone about. Every day, for the past nine days this would happen. Hikaru felt a sharp stab at his side. He crouched down on the floor and bit his wrist to keep from screaming. He felt pricks on his arms, back, and legs. His breaths turned into gasps as the feeling of liquid filled his lungs.

It was 4:42pm.

It was the time Kaoru died.

A Few minutes later, it all disappeared. It was almost like it never happened. But Hikaru would never forget the pain.

He made his way back into the main room and sat down on his previously shared couch. Everyone had gathered anxiously around him.

"This all leads back to me not being sad," he began. "I think I might be angry. I'm angry at Katio for pushing me into traffic. I'm angry at Kaoru for taking the hit. He knew he had a permanently cracked rib! That's the rib that slicked his lung and caused him to…"

"Maybe I'm guilty… I'm the one who wanted to go to the café. Kaoru wanted to stay in and watch a movie. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself…" he trailed off.

"Or maybe I'm even scared. I'm scared of what will happen to me without him. Who's going to do my English homework when I don't understand? Who am I going to wake up next to every day? Who am I going to share a birthday with? Who's going to prank Tono with me? Or steal Kyoya's notebook just to tease him? Or drag Haruhi away in one of our schemes? Who's going to keep me out of trouble when my idiotic plans backfire? Who's going to be my rational side? He not here to finished my sentences and I can't finish his. He can't tease me for failing AP Lit and I can't tease him for failing Calculus. There's no one. I can't tell you how I feel. I can feel it but there are no words. Kaoru would know what I'm feeling. And he would to tell me what's wrong and why and how to fix it and that he loves me. But…but—he's not here! He was taken from me and I'm just so—so-,"

Then it hit him.

"Alone," Hikaru whispered and buried his face in his hands.

The twins shared a paradise locked tightly behind iron gates. Sure, they had branched out by joining the Host Club, but they couldn't resist their own paradise. This world was made for them. It's where they could be their "twisted selves to their twisted little hearts' desire". Sure Haruhi could come and go as she pleases, but she didn't sleep in the same bed with Hikaru since the day he was born. Only one person slept with Hikaru; only one person was allowed to cuddle with him at night; only one person was allowed to shower with him; only one person was allowed to borrow his clothes, CDs, and books; only one person could crack a lame joke to make him feel better; and only one person made him truly happy.

And that person was Kaoru Hitachiin: his dead twin brother.

"Hika-chan," Hikaru looked up to see Hunny-senpai wrap his small arms around Hikaru's torso.

"Are you okay," Hunny looked at him with worried eyes. The entire Host Club was silent.

"I think I just had an epiphany," Hikaru announced.

"And?" Kyoya pressed.

"I'm all alone," Hikaru finally admitted. Bile rose in his throat as he thought about what he just said.

Hikaru knew he wasn't truly alone. He had his parents, he had his friends, and he had hundreds of girls lining up to meet him.

But something dark and forbidden had risen up from deep inside him during his epiphany.

He loved Kaoru Hitachiin.

'_Of course I do,' _he tried to reason with himself. _'He's my baby brother.' _But it was time to face the truth.

He _**loved **_Kaoru Hitachiin… way more than a brother should. _'Dammit… I didn't have the chance to tell him…I'll never have the chance to show him…'_

"No you're not, Hika-chan! You still have all of us! You'll see Kao-chan again someday, I promise!" Mitskuni looked up at him with the most endearing smile. Hikaru couldn't help but smile back.

"You know, Senpai, I think you're right." Hikaru put on a fake smile and locked hi thoughts away.

'_They can never know.'_

* * *

**At lease the ending did suck... right? **

**R&R**


End file.
